that is what the end of january and begining of febuary always are for me.
i hate these months. it feels like my body has been surrounded by cold for so long, yet i still have to endure it for two more months. i used to enjoy the snow. the whole reason i loved the mountains so much was beacuse of it. My step mom would make me watch the snow fall for her just so i could fall in love with that part of nature... and i did. it was all goose bumps and magic when i was a little girl. but now, now it is bitter, cold, and grey. i am tired of feeling grey. inside and out.
I am doing so many random things lately leading up to potentialy nothing...or everything. i have decided (in my lonely grey state) that there is nothing to fear in this world. one may say i am completly wrong, but really what is there? you have to be fearless to do anything. i can not fear money. you can not fear your past. we can not fear anyone. we say we have priorities and obligations but at least in our age ( the twenty somethings of the world) there are none, sure bills family friends... but lets get the fuck over it. i am over it! i love everyone in my life, and so many have done so much for me beyond words i could express. but i am over having all of my ties...my fears hold me back. the time has come my furry friends to throw caution to the wind and simply live, well simply.
and as much as i want to, i am still here now, in a city surrounded by farms and wanna- be's. but that is ok right now, it is time to reflect. on everything that has made my eyes this open. everything that still has my eyes closed so tightly. today is not really a story... just a thought. do not plan. do not fear. do not not live.
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